Our battles within
by Yhoretta
Summary: "A shattered teacup lay in shards on the burgundy rug. Under it was a dark stain. Above it was a table, and to the left of that...was the Doctor." Drifting in the TARDIS, Turlough is still fighting the control that the Black Guardian has over him. He overhears a conversation between the Doctor and Tegan, which leads to his second, more deadly attempt at assassination.


_**A/N: This takes place between the serials 'Mawdryn Undead' and 'Terminus'. **__**This fic is named 'Our battles within' because it focuses on the conflict that Turlough feels while trying to carry out the Black Guardian's bidding. **_Written to celebrate my one-year anniversary on this site, and also because BloodLily16 requested some more 5th Doctor stories a while ago and I hadn't gotten around to obliging. Sorry this took so long, but I hope you like it.  


* * *

It was white. But not only that, white_ and _bright. Devil's teeth, why did the TARDIS have to be so unhelpful? Tegan walked along the hallways with her fingers at her temples. She rubbed them irritably, as if that would somehow make the headache go away. Because that's what it was, if anyone asked. The Australian muttered rude things to the ship.

Eventually, for fear of being insulted even more, the TARDIS lights dimmed. As Tegan was about to whisper 'thanks', a loud crash echoed from one of the rooms.

'Doctor?' called Tegan. She opened the door and found Turlough standing over one of the circuits in the wall, several boxes knocked over as he'd been startled by the sudden darkness. His hands snapped back to his sides.

He hadn't been travelling with them for very long, but Tegan often found him doing something suspicious whenever they bumped into each other. She knew what it was that made her want to avoid him; there was a strange sort of malice behind his alien eyes, even if the Doctor couldn't see it.

'Oh, it's _you_.' Tegan followed him with her eyes as he stepped out of the room. 'What are you doing?'

Turlough hesitated for a second. 'I was trying to fix the lights.'

'No, you were already in there.' Tegan winced as her head throbbed again. 'Do you know where the Doctor is? I could really use an aspirin.'

'There's a first-aid kit in one of these circles,' declared Turlough, stepping along the wall and running his fingers over the compartments. Tegan followed him reluctantly until they reached the junction of corridors where the zero room used to be. 'I think this might be it.'

Featherlight footsteps approached the pair. They were the sort of steps that someone would take if they were engrossed in a book - absent and quiet. Turlough turned on his heels and slipped away, leaving Tegan to pry open one of the medical tubs. She took out a box of white tablets and popped one out into her hand.

'Ah, hello Tegan,' said the Doctor, looking up from the TARDIS manual. 'I've been trying to fix the lights. Oh dear, you look awful.'

'Gee thanks Doc, but as it happens I've just got a bit of a hang…a headache. Is this aspirin?'

'Yes, that's the human first-aid kit. You needn't worry about taking anything poisonous as the Time Lord one is just above.'

'But I checked that one, and there's no aspirin in it.'

'Ah, well,' the Doctor ruffled his hair thoughtfully, 'that's because Gallifreyans are allergic to the stuff.'

Tegan's eyes widened in disbelief. It seemed such a strange thing to her, that a drug that helped to make you better could actually kill someone. Still, the Doctor was an alien. She'd seen him change his whole face and personality, so was this really such a surprise?

As the Doctor ushered Tegan to her room for some R and R, Turlough popped his head out from behind a door. He saw the dark figure of the Black Guardian scowling at him, then laughing.

'You fool, boy. Why do you just stand there?. The Doctor has given you the means to destroy him! Take those pills and dissolve it in a cup of tea. He'll drink it and be no more. Do it now, or have you forgotten our deal?'

'Please...' Turlough screwed his eyes shut, shaking slightly at the prospect of making another attempt on the Doctor's life. 'Please don't make me.' He felt the icy sensation of the Black Guardian's hand on his shoulder. Of course, it wasn't really there. But the ghost of a touch was enough to convey the infinite power and evil of the entity.

Turlough nodded reluctantly and went over to the first-aid kit, taking out a single tablet.

'Are you gonna be alright while I'm asleep?' asked Tegan, curling up on her bed. She couldn't shake the feeling that somehow the Doctor was in danger.

He looked down at the Australian with gentle eyes. 'Of course. I'm always alright, aren't I? Besides, there's always Nyssa to keep an eye on things.' He smiled as if that made it all better.

Tegan opened her mouth to argue but he'd already left. It was just as well, since the aspirin and the 'headache' were already dragging her into unconsciousness. Although he'd never admit it, the Doctor needed someone to watch his back. To protect him; _especially now with that no-good ginger who probably isn't from Earth_. Tegan's head lolled against her pillow, all thoughts of the Doctor now lost.

And then, suddenly, they were back again.

Tegan sat bolt-upright, panting and tugging at her collar. Her eyes flickered to the bedside clock, which proclaimed that only an hour had passed. Feeling a little groggy -but mostly free from her 'headache'- Tegan made her way through the TARDIS. The lights were back to normal, and yet, something felt wrong.

'Doctor? Nyssa?' she called. After getting no response, the Australian tried a different (albeit reluctant) approach. 'Turlough, where are you?'

Still no response.

The console room was eerily empty. It was like a graveyard now stood in the place of a bustling casino. Tegan drifted her hands over the controls bitterly, fighting the aching pang of loneliness in her heart. She let her feet carry her through the infinite space/time ship until she came to the library. The lovely scent of tea wafted through the door.

'Doctor!' Tegan burst in happily, but the smile instantly dropped as she took in the sight before her. A shattered teacup lay in shards on the burgundy rug. Under it was a dark stain. Above it was a table, and to the left of that...was the Doctor. He was slumped over the plush armchair. Tegan leaped forward and desperately took his pulse.

Nothing.

She shook him, eliciting a ragged breath from the Time Lord. A slow beat picked up under her fingers as one heart started working again. Tegan gently slapped the Doctor's cheeks a little until he opened his eyes.

'Tegan,' he said weakly. 'There was aspirin in my tea.'

The Australian faltered worryingly. 'I'll fetch Nyssa. She'll know what to do.' She stopped in the door frame and threw her gaze back to the Doctor's shivering form. 'Don't let Turlough near you.'

'Why…?' The Doctor seemed to forget that he was asking a question, closing his eyes wearily. Tegan ran. She knew that Nyssa was busy experimenting in their room. But the Doctor was more important. He _had_ to be.

_Rabbits! What if he regenerates again? I don't know if I could deal with another Castrovalva incident. I never even asked him if it hurt to change his face. I never bothered. _

Nyssa jumped, dropping her testtubes as Tegan practically kicked their door down. 'There's no need to be so rude. I would've opened the-' Her face softened as she met Tegan's scared expression. 'What's wrong?'

'It's the Doctor,' sobbed Tegan, breaking down into Nyssa's arms. 'He's been poisoned but I don't know what to do. I think it was Turlough; he's disappeared. Please help me.'

Nyssa brushed a few strands of hair from Tegan's forehead and took a hold of her shoulders. 'Where's the Doctor?'

'He's dying, I did it.' Turlough shook violently, propped up against one of the corridor walls, trying not to let the burning tears fall. He stared angrily into the crystal.

'Our agreement is not over until I _see_ him die!' growled the Black Guardian. 'You are not free until then. Go find the Doctor and his female companions. Keep an eye on things and make_ sure_ he's done for.'

Turlough clutched the Black Guardian's crystal and threw it across the room defiantly. 'No!' Fingers that burned colder than space itself reached into his mind, sifting through his memories and fears. There was no choice.

He whimpered. 'Alright, I'll do it. But no more.'

'Oh, I don't think so.' The Black Guardian chuckled darkly.

'What _more_ could you possibly want?'

'I want you to pass me that blanket over there please,' requested Nyssa. Tegan walked over to the other side of the sick bay and grabbed the folded fabric. They worked together to lay it on the Doctor, who now had both hearts working again, but looked even worse.

He moaned. His fingers were reaching out for something unknown. Nyssa drifted to his face and took his temperature placidly.

'He's running a fever,' she declared. Even this was now breaking through her barriers. 'We need another pillow.'

'I'll get it.' Turlough met the two women's eyes and slipped out of the sick bay just as quietly as he'd come.

'I may not be a doctor, but I think he's gone into a coma,' said Tegan.

'We don't know if that's normal for him,' replied Nyssa. They both watched the dangerously vulnerable face, wondering what he was thinking. Maybe he could hear them, and he was trying to summon up something to say. Or perhaps he was completely dead to the world. His usually-cool skin now radiated at the same temperature as theirs, yet this somehow made him hot to the touch.

Turlough returned and placed a second pillow under the Doctor's head. He saw the Black Guardian's reflection in Tegan and Nyssa's doleful eyes. He looked away, because it hurt too much. The Doctor was a good man and the only one who wasn't constantly watching his back. The only one who trusted this stranger.

The Time Lord stirred briefly, his weak gaze boring into Turlough's thoughts. Did he suspect the ginger? Would Turlough be forgiven? Would he be kicked out of the TARDIS?

The Doctor...smiled.

'Something saved my life, a shadow,' he said groggily. 'I remember sitting in the library, drinking some tea, and then...' Whatever he was going to say was lost on his tongue.

Tegan placed a hand on his shivering arm. 'Are you cold, Doctor?'

'No, I just...I'm not sure. It was almost like an infinitely powerful malevolence. I could feel it, but it's gone now.' He squeezed Tegan's fingers and pulled himself into a sitting position, already looking a little better, as though his coma had somehow helped him. Nyssa started fussing over the Time Lord, giving Turlough the perfect opportunity to leave. So he took it. Well...he _almost_ took it. Before he'd completely left them, he overheard the Doctor explaining to Tegan and Nyssa how a dark figure had saved his life.

_I'm even a failure as an assassin. _

Turlough joined in on their shock and relief for the Doctor's recovery; pretending that he was pretending. It had been a moment of weakness. He'd knocked the cup from the Time Lord's hands after only one sip. _Stupid, foolish, spineless._

The Black Guardian flashed through a reflection in the Doctor's water.

_Please let me be. Please just leave us alone._

The face in the water shook his head slowly. 'You have only a few more chances boy. Do not try my patience again.'

'Turlough?' His eyes flickered over to the Doctor, who was watching him in concern. 'Are you alright?'

'Me? Of course,' replied Turlough quickly. '_You're_ the one who was poisoned!'

Tegan and Nyssa sat beside the Doctor companionably. Turlough wasn't invited. After all, why would they want him with them? He was the black sheep. Or rather, the ginger sheep. The stranger. The one who couldn't be trusted. Suddenly, Tegan patted the space by her feet.

_They want me to sit?_

Turlough crossed his legs and looked over the three. He decided then and there, that no matter what the Black Guardian did or said, he would try to protect them. The forgivers. Everything would be alright…

If only.


End file.
